what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
whose parrot is this?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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