so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
