this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
