it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
