I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
