Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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