O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
