please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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