She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
