he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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