1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
