I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize