i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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