What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
