: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
