I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
