I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
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I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
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Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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