thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
worst night to have a conscience
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
