So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
