Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
