we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
