i used baking grease as lip gloss
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
