what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
