so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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