Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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