bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
