I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
