just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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