I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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