Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
