i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize