explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
