Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
