Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
