ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
