So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
