Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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