guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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