I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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