last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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