Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
