I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize