6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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