Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
