I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
