I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
