Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
