So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
