Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
