Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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