I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
