i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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