Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
