Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize