I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Operation Purity has been aborted
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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