i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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