He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
