I faked an abortion last night.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
