I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
