do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
