so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
