mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
