You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
