You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
