she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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