Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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