my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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