I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
