I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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