My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
