I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
