i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
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it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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