It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
