I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
