I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
