i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
COCAINE IS GR8
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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