I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
