Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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