What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
