There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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