i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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