so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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