I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
