I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
