I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
